Heat.

I hate heat.  I know for some people that is like a sin, but I really hate it.  Give me a blizzard over a heatwave any day.  I always knew I liked the cold better, but that point has really been driven home to me lately.  There are only so many days that you can lie on the floor of your third-story apartment in your underwear with every fan in the house pointed directly at you.  I am just saying.
Now, I know lots of people love heat for some inexplicable reason.  Maybe it reminds them of summer when they can go outside and hike and get themselves some more melanin and be in water constantly.  I like those parts of heat.  I do.  I also understand the draw of summer vacation.  Or I did when I was in school and had summer vacation.  It turns out most jobs don't let you have it any more. 
I am just saying that those pros do not weigh out the cons of heat.  Besides, there are hot tubs and indoor pools if a person really needs water throughout the year, being tan is over-rated (go pale ones!), and fall is a much cooler time to hike (in more ways than one.  Do you see what I did there?).
Therefore, I am writing a list of reasons heat stinks and reasons why cold, even extreme cold, is better.
Why heat stinks:
1) It literally stinks.  And causes me to stink.  Everything is more pungent in heat, and not in that good Las Vegas way.  This includes trash, bodies (especially when packed into a bus), stagnant water, and mulch piles, or whatever those piles of coffee grounds and banana peels are.
2)  It forces me to do much more laundry than usual because of the copious amounts of sweat that occur.
3)  It prevents me from being comfortable.  Heat limits my options for comfort to either wearing clothing that I don't feel sketchy in and sweating all day like I have some horrible fever or sweating a bit less and wearing horrible clothing that I am afraid to move in for fear of awkward revelations of flesh to those around me.  This leads me to...
4)  Lots of body insecurity.  Yes, I like to pretend I don't deal with it and lots of times I don't, but it is hard to be completely confident in yourself when there are thin, tan, bikini-clad women everywhere you go.
5)  Bugs.  Lots of them.  Everywhere.
6)  Sunburns, heatstroke, dehydration, and a whole list of medical maladies that occur with much more frequency in hot weather.  Also, have you ever noticed how much more miserable it is to be sick in hot weather?  There will be no bundling up and drinking tea for you, invalid.  The weather itself defies your fever to recede.
7)  Inability to turn on my oven without transforming the apartment into a stifling gateway to hell.  This results in a sad lack of baked goods.
8)  No working out outside unless you are one of those morning-types who is up before the world turns sweaty and shoes begin melting to the sidewalk.  I am not, by the way, one of the aforementioned morning-types.
9)  Every time I get into the car is like stepping into one of those dry-heat wood saunas.  However nice those are when one is in a swimming suit and prepared for the experience, it is not so nice when trying to go to a job interview.
10)  Things mold more quickly.  It's hot, it's moist, the mold goes crazy.

Wonderful things about the cold:
1)  Hot tea, hot chocolate, spiced cider...warm drinks are my lifeblood.  It is tough to be unhappy when my drink is warming me from the inside.
2)  Lots of baked goods.  Lots.  Breads, pies, cookies, muffins, cakes...  The oven is on all the time and when I run out of baked things to make, Tyler can jump in with pizzas and eggplant parmesan and all kinds of other delicious things.
3)  Warm sweaters, jeans, boots, scarves, hats... cold weather clothes are fuzzy, thick, and fabulous.  And I am never afraid to move in them.
4)  I feel not at all bad in cold weather for curling up on a couch with a book or movie and a hot drink.  In fact, I think that these things may be designed specifically to be done in cold weather.
5)  Gaining a little bit of bodily insulation is perfectly acceptable, even prudent, in cold weather.  And it is more difficult for others to detect.
6)  Bonfires are enjoyed in the cold.  And really, who doesn't like fire?
7)  No guilt for working out indoors.  After all, I can't really jog in the snow.
8)  The bugs are dead.  Or hiding.  Either way, they are not around to bug me.
9)  This is the season of roasts, crock-pot meals, lasagnas, mashed potatoes...  Every hot food that is filling and delicious and makes you happy happens in cold weather.  Yeah, I know I talked about food earlier, but I really like food.
10)  Playing in the snow is wonderful.
11)  Playing in fall leaves is even better.
12)  Christmas happens.

You know, I am sure I will add to this as time goes on, but I think I have made my point.  Cold is awesome.  I want it to come more quickly.  Begone, heat!