A letter to psychotic library-man

Don't even try to tell me I'm not educated.  It will not end well for you.  The only thing that kept me from erupting into an unholy fury at the library today was the fact that the man in question was not actually directing his insane "everyone-but-me-is-a-mere-plebian" speech at me, but at the poor information desk lady who was tragically left with no way of escape.

I was casually browsing the dvds at the public library today because I am too cheap to rent a movie when there is a perfectly good supply of free ones.  The long dvd rack is right next to the information desk which is why I was in a perfect position to unashamedly eavesdrop when I heard psycho-man getting worked up into a solid rant.

The first sentence that drew me into the conversation was something to the effect of "you libraries are ruining society".  Bold statement.  He continued to explain that the library was leading to the downfall of civilization because instead of stocking only classic novels or books on nothing but facts, they insist on including modern "authors" (I use quotes because he also explained that there is no such thing as a modern author.  All modern writers are ignorant boobs completely incapable of being as well-read as Sir Hooters-baseball-cap over here.).  These modern books are what is destroying society.  This is because, as we all know, if there is any alternative to someone of my generation reading a classic work of literature we will take it.  That alternative could be some sort of slash fiction about vampire werewolf fairy hookers in victorian london and we would obviously still choose it over a classic.  This man was convinced not only that my generation is completely incapable of freely choosing to read a "classic" book, but that should any library worker ever speak against the evil, tyrannical library administration they would be brutally cast out of library-world, never to return.

Like this.  Only with people and books and such.

So, really, nothing like this.

I would like to point out that I did not decide he was talking about my generation simply because it is fun to be offended sometimes.  This man actually pointed directly at me when he talked about the "unread" generation.  Granted, I was only facing him sideways, but still.  Come on.  Then he continued to inform the poor trapped librarian that my generation is so tragic that not only are we ignorant, but we don't even know how ignorant we are.  We are too stupid to figure that out, see?  And because of our unfortunate mentally challenged generation, aided in our ignorance by the evil libraries that supply us with "drivel" to read and force us to avoid the "classic literature" that they must keep hidden in tucked-away corners, civilization as a whole is going to completely collapse.

I was not able to engage him in a debate because I felt bad for the poor library worker and did not want to keep her trapped any longer than necessary.  However, I would like to say that my friends and I read classic literature all the time.  For fun.  Not just for classes.  I will almost guarantee that I have read more "classic literature" than this man.  In order to prove this to myself and brag just a little, I am writing out some of the classics I have read that come readily to mind.  To prove my generation is awesome, should you read this blog, you should comment with classics you have read.

Les Miserables, Anna Karenina, The Three Musketeers, The Count of Monte Cristo, The Odyssey, The Iliad, Medea, Oedipus Rex, Antigone, Romeo and Juliet, As You Like It, Hamlet, Julius Caesar, The Merry Wives of Windsor, A Midsummer Night's Dream, Titus Andronicus, Macbeth, Gone With the Wind, Pride and Prejudice, Crime and Punishment, Emma, Sense and Sensibility, Mansfield Park, Canterbury Tales, Beowulf...I will very likely keep adding to this just to feel even more superior.

Take that, Sir Hooters-hat.

 The hat kept his wisdom in.