But lost seems to have a negative connotation and that is not what I mean at all. I got wonderfully, fabulously, hopelessly turned around until I realized that roads are boring and I like doing my own thing anyway. It is much more fun.
This off-road train of thought was prompted by a reconnection with a friend from high school (facebook is occasionally great for nostalgia). We exchanged the inevitable chit-chat that always involves, "So, what are you up to now?" This question always takes me back to the last time I saw that person and what I thought I would be up to at that point. When I was graduating high school, what did I think I would be doing at age twenty-two? I mean, at the time I thought twenty-two was decidedly adult-aged and that is just untrue.
How I saw anyone over the age of twenty.
Well, I thought I would be graduated from college (success!) at or near the top of my class with some appropriately impressive major (um...well...). I thought I would be off in some exciting new city (uh...how do you define exciting? or...city?) pursuing some either highly or decently-paying job that was a perfect mix of usefulness, bragging rights, and awesomeness. Perhaps as some golden-child rookie journalist covering world affairs and oppressed people, or a U.N. worker with a vaguely-defined but indispensible function. Maybe an appropriately humble musician dedicating a portion of profits to charities or an invaluable assistant to some diplomat or aid worker...or famous person. I am shallow sometimes (and I did such a great job of hiding it!). Also, my job is none of those things. My job serves the function of paying for my rent and that is all I need at the moment (because of my big plans to move to somewhere new! And...and exotic! With a great and fulfilling occupational and/or educational opportunity! This will happen!).
Life is not what you expect. Ever. If I could teach one thing to my sisters (ok, one of many things), it would be that little lesson. Despite what I seemed to think going into college, life consistently turned out nothing like what I planned and that ended up making it pretty wonderful. This is going to descend into a compare-and-contrast list form eventually, I just know it. I will do that now and end the suspense.
Major: I started college considering majors in english, journalism/communications, and possibly music. I majored in none of those things. I didn't even minor in any of them. I graduated college with a degree in Peace Studies (it's a branch of international political science, ok?) and minors in philosophy and theology. It turns out that things that interest you are not always things that will get you a job. This is ok as long as you also are able to figure out some sort of compromise that you can live with: a job you want, but not a paycheck you want, or a life-sustaining paycheck, but from a job you care little to not at all about. Part of being a partially grown-up being is learning that every time you shift your life is not "selling out". Sometimes, it is just being realistic.
This was not my major.
This, plus some under-eye circles and papers, was my major.
Also, I was not academically at the top of my class. Sure, I did a decent job. Perfectly respectable. But that 4.0 GPA? It was determined that was not happening after my first semester of college. I got over it. I found a balance between studying and having a social life. I had fun. And I eventually made the connection that doing well in high school does not mean doing equally as well in college.
Career: I still want to do something big and I still am stuck with a (potentially delusional) idea that I will eventually find a job I absolutely love that pays me enough to live on. However, I am currently working in a dental office where I check insurance. Not what I wanted to do at all, but the job pays well, has good hours and benefits, and lets me work in a very laid-back environment with incredibly nice people. For now, I am lucky.
But I still totally plan on disappearing into an envious job. Possibly on another continent. Eventually.
Beware, Bourdain. I am plotting ways to get your job.
Location: I expected to be living in a city somewhere. Maybe New York, or Boston, or Washington D.C., or Seattle, or Portland. Somewhere big and exciting and new with tons of job opportunities. Instead, I am living in Pullman, WA. This is a town larger than my hometown of 5,000 only when school is in session. It is small and peopled with frat children.
Not pictured: brain function or basic social mores
Don't get me wrong, it is not without its charms. But if I find myself still living here in five years, I will have to seriously re-examine my life. However, this is only two years of my life spent in a town that was unexpected to me, but not something I dislike. And living here is totally worth probably the most unexpected part of my current life...
Relationships: I am married. At twenty-two. Really? It's still strange even to me and I carefully thought about it for a long time and have been living it for several months. I never really thought about relationships. I dated once in high school and, while an enjoyable experience, it led me to the conclusion that I liked dating and being single pretty much equally. I liked being on my own. My high school girl friends and I (Taylor, Michelle, and Jessie, I am talking about you) joked about our different dating personalities and tendencies in high school and if I remember correctly, we decided I would probably get married last because I could totally take it or leave it. Being married would be cool, but so would staying single. We may have guessed incorrectly.
I dated a couple times in college and then ended up in a long-term marriage-type relationship my junior year. The lone-wolf mentality did not hold out. I have never been more pleased to be proven wrong. Even at the times when I freak out about being married and being young and clueless about most of my life, I have the coolest marriage and the best husband and pretty much the most fun I've ever had. It is awesome. Damn, I got lucky.
Life is messy. And confusing. And insanely unpredictable. But thank God my life has not turned out the way I thought it would. My imagination was a strange combination of presumptuous and boring.
So, conclusion: ditch the road and get lost. It's great.
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