I've been thinking a lot lately about family and friends. I think that is fairly normal when going through a...what would you even call this. A family illness? Sure. Anyway, the other day I noticed: when I hear the name of someone I know, my mind flashes, not just to their face, but to an image of them doing what I most associate them with. Basically, my mind automatically puts them in the place that I consider that person the most themselves.
For instance, this is what comes to mind when I think of Kaylee.
This has interesting implications to me and, being vaguely narcissistic, it makes me wonder where other people picture me, where they would consider me most myself. Of course, I'm sure my image of myself probably differs from how everyone else sees me. And everyone has a different perspective on everyone else.
So, for instance, when I hear Tyler's name, my mind flashes to him surrounded by his friends and laughing, maybe while in a kitchen covered in flour. My strongest images of who Tyler is have to do with what a social person he is, what a loyal friend, how he loves taking care of people (often by filling them with food). Obviously, there are hundreds of other components that make up who Tyler is, but this is how my subconscious most strongly sees him.
My subconscious also sees him shaggy-haired and bearded, but, alas, he believes in shaving now.
My sister, Becca, flashes to my mind telling jokes, making faces, and surrounded by people laughing, probably with our dog in her lap. Abby is surrounded by books and artwork, smiling her wry smile at me about some inside joke. My mom is smiling and talking to people, so happy to be around people, listening to them and exuding warmth. Dad is sitting in his big chair at home, cracking jokes and teasing the family and playing with the dog.
My mind doesn't flash to everyone in a good light. There are some people whose names I hear and my mind instantly goes to them yelling or angry or cutting and sarcastic (granted, these are generally people I don't know very well and have had mostly unpleasant interactions with). I would be horrified if that's what people flashed to when they thought of me. But I think that we most associate people with the emotions or the images they most frequently display around us. So, if I don't want people to think of me as an angry person, I need to make sure I am infrequently (or never) angry to people. Rarely unkind. Almost never rude or condescending.
This is some serious motivation for me to behave better, to not write off my bad moments as "normal" or "human", to not constantly excuse myself and shirk responsibility when I snap and hurt people. Of course, I'm not perfect (and, as I've learned lately, not always as patient as I could be), but I can at least make effort and, when I fail, make amends.
Anyway, ending this on a lighter note, you should shoot me an email or comment if you are curious about my flashes of you. I have very pleasant ones about most people I know. Also, please indulge my curiosity and tell me what flashes into your mind with me. Because I am just that curious.
Love you all.
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