Today's post is about introverts.
Wait. Come back. It will be interesting, I swear. And not some rant about how introverts are somehow better than extroverts.
For those of you who have not actually met me, I am an introvert. I was forced a little out of my introverted bubble as a child because my mother recognized that if I was left to my own devices, I would become a barely-functioning hermit. However, being forced to interact socially with others does not make an introvert an extrovert. It's part of who we are. It doesn't change.
Now, I have two family members that are incredibly gifted extroverts. Seriously, my mother and sister are the lives of any party lucky enough to have them. They thrive on group settings and love being around tons of people. Growing up, I would watch them floating around like social butterflies and wonder to myself why I couldn't do that. My idea of fun was sitting at home by myself with a book. At large parties, I would find a pretense to wander away to another area of the house and hide with a book (do you see a pattern?). If hiding was not an option, I hovered nervously on the outskirts of groups, occasionally engaging in conversations with one or two people who wandered near me. The second a conversation group got big, I went silent, paralyzed by the stress of too many people.
This is too many people.
I am older now. I have practiced being social. I have gotten better at interacting with others (or I sincerely hope I have). And I am now comfortable enough to say I am an introvert if anyone asks. But the reactions I get to this statement vary wildly, so I would like to clear up some misconceptions.
"Introverts do not like other people" - Not true. In fact, I would say that I like most people I meet. I just don't always know how to communicate well with them. For me, communicating with strangers makes me nervous. When I get nervous, one of two things happens. 1) I go utterly silent, listening to what they say, but giving no responses while I stare at them in wide-eyed terror like a deer caught in headlights. Or my dog caught with a stolen meatball. Or 2) I start talking to fill the silence and don't stop, increasing in volume and reaching to more and more uncomfortable topics in a desperate effort to find something interesting to say. It took me years to master the art of small talk, of casual conversation, and it is still something I constantly have to practice. Now, I often enjoy conversations I have with people I have just met, but there is the constant need for focus on what I am doing and saying so that I don't revert to 1 or 2. Being able to converse normally takes a lot of exertion for me. In many cases, it is definitely worth it, but it is still draining.
As a side note, when I mess up (and I do sometimes) and say something stupid or awkward or respond to something the other person said in a strange or wrong way, I know it. It sticks with me. I will go to bed that night beating myself up, convinced the other person thinks I am either rude or an idiot, and going over all the things I should have said. Most socially awkward people are extremely aware that we are socially awkward. We are working on it. Please, be patient with us. Social graces don't always come easily.
At least I don't try communicating like this any more.
For instance, this movie taught me that Bella blinks 30 times more often than a normal human.
"Introverts hate parties/social gatherings" - Actually, I get incredibly excited when I get invited to a party. I love parties. But my preparation for it is different than an extrovert's would be. Before agreeing to go to a party, I have to check with my friends to find out who is going that can, essentially, be my "safe zone". I need to know that I won't be alone with a group of strangers. I need to make sure that I will have someone there I feel safe talking to. It's not that I don't plan on meeting anyone. I do. I just need someone I can retreat with if it starts getting too overwhelming, if I start to panic or feel awkward. I can only lurk around bookshelves for so long.
The other difference is the fallout from parties. After a night of being social, I need at least a full day of not being social at all so I can recover. Even if I had a great time at the party, it took a substantial amount of energy and mental exertion for me to be there. I will be exhausted afterward and I need time alone to recuperate. Again, this exhaustion DOES NOT MEAN I HAD A BAD TIME. It is like...I don't know, a really good workout. You may have enjoyed it, but your body still needs to recover afterwards. It will be tired. It will need food and water. You need to take care of it or it can't give the same level of performance next time. If I don't get time alone after social interactions, I don't recharge. That means that the next social gathering I attend will have me drained and stressed from the last time. I will have less patience with those around me. I will over react to small issues. I will very likely be in a bad mood.
Seriously, I can't stop making the angry face.
I love being with people, but I need breaks.
"Introverts like being alone" - Ok, yes. That's true. Although, even more than that, we are comfortable being alone. When alone, we don't need to perform. We don't need to read the social atmosphere, figure out the moods of those around us, and do our best to determine how to respond. When I observe extroverts, it looks like they do this all automatically. That may not be true, but I would say that it comes more easily to them. I have to be constantly focused on all these facets of my social interactions and it gets exhausting. Alone, I get to disappear into my thoughts. I love spending uninterrupted time just thinking over ideas, scenarios, books, and whatever else pops into my head. Some people think that sounds boring, but I love it. I don't hang out alone because no one will hang out with me. Sometimes, I would just rather be in my own head than dealing with the other things around me.
Indeed.
"Introverts avoid being the center of attention" - I would say this varies with the person. I am an introvert and I loved being in plays. I loved singing for audiences. I was fine with attention. It was just easiest for me to have attention in those settings because IT WAS SCRIPTED. I didn't have to come up with anything to say on my own. I didn't need to worry about my interactions with others because our roles were spelled out. It's performing. It's academic. It's memory. That, I can handle.
"Introverts are smarter than extroverts" - Yeah, that's not true. It's just not. There are individuals in both groups that are wildly intelligent. I think the reason people associate intelligence or higher test scores with introverts is that introverts spend more time alone thinking. We mull over ideas. I read books on philosophy and history and social events in my spare time because I find them interesting. A lot of my time and energy is spent doing things that make academics easier for me. Extroverts spend a lot of time and energy being with other people, pursuing connections and relationships. It's not a matter of intelligence, it's a matter of how time is spent for that individual.
I'm staying in! Time to get through the complete works of Shakespeare!
Introverts and extroverts both need to be able to understand and get along with each other because we need each other. Introverts can help their extroverted friends to be comfortable in silence, in stillness. They can demonstrate the importance and beauty of introspection and reflection. Extroverts keep their introverted friends from closing themselves off, from ignoring the importance of relationships and connections. They make sure that we don't live our whole lives alone or in our heads. So, from an introvert, thank you to all my extroverted friends and family for your love, encouragement, and patience. If you ever need someone to listen, I'm around. Or to engage in a conversation about any topic that's been flitting around in my head. I'm there.
You want to discuss our favorite Firefly characters? Hello, best friend.
This is me reading the story of my life. Every single bit.
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