3.21.2011

two roads diverged in a wood and I...

I wandered completely away from the roads and got lost.

But lost seems to have a negative connotation and that is not what I mean at all.  I got wonderfully, fabulously, hopelessly turned around until I realized that roads are boring and I like doing my own thing anyway.  It is much more fun.

This off-road train of thought was prompted by a reconnection with a friend from high school (facebook is occasionally great for nostalgia).  We exchanged the inevitable chit-chat that always involves, "So, what are you up to now?"  This question always takes me back to the last time I saw that person and what I thought I would be up to at that point.  When I was graduating high school, what did I think I would be doing at age twenty-two?  I mean, at the time I thought twenty-two was decidedly adult-aged and that is just untrue.

 How I saw anyone over the age of twenty.

Well, I thought I would be graduated from college (success!) at or near the top of my class with some appropriately impressive major (um...well...).  I thought I would be off in some exciting new city (uh...how do you define exciting?  or...city?) pursuing some either highly or decently-paying job that was a perfect mix of usefulness, bragging rights, and awesomeness.  Perhaps as some golden-child rookie journalist covering world affairs and oppressed people, or a U.N. worker with a vaguely-defined but indispensible function.  Maybe an appropriately humble musician dedicating a portion of profits to charities or an invaluable assistant to some diplomat or aid worker...or famous person.  I am shallow sometimes (and I did such a great job of hiding it!).  Also, my job is none of those things.  My job serves the function of paying for my rent and that is all I need at the moment (because of my big plans to move to somewhere new!  And...and exotic!  With a great and fulfilling occupational and/or educational opportunity!  This will happen!).

Life is not what you expect.  Ever.  If I could teach one thing to my sisters (ok, one of many things), it would be that little lesson.  Despite what I seemed to think going into college, life consistently turned out nothing like what I planned and that ended up making it pretty wonderful.  This is going to descend into a compare-and-contrast list form eventually, I just know it.  I will do that now and end the suspense.

Major:  I started college considering majors in english, journalism/communications, and possibly music.  I majored in none of those things.  I didn't even minor in any of them.  I graduated college with a degree in Peace Studies (it's a branch of international political science, ok?) and minors in philosophy and theology.  It turns out that things that interest you are not always things that will get you a job.  This is ok as long as you also are able to figure out some sort of compromise that you can live with:  a job you want, but not a paycheck you want, or a life-sustaining paycheck, but from a job you care little to not at all about.  Part of being a partially grown-up being is learning that every time you shift your life is not "selling out".  Sometimes, it is just being realistic.

 This was not my major.

This, plus some under-eye circles and papers, was my major.

Also, I was not academically at the top of my class.  Sure, I did a decent job.  Perfectly respectable.  But that 4.0 GPA?  It was determined that was not happening after my first semester of college.  I got over it.  I found a balance between studying and having a social life.  I had fun.  And I eventually made the connection that doing well in high school does not mean doing equally as well in college.

Career:  I still want to do something big and I still am stuck with a (potentially delusional) idea that I will eventually find a job I absolutely love that pays me enough to live on.  However, I am currently working in a dental office where I check insurance.  Not what I wanted to do at all, but the job pays well, has good hours and benefits, and lets me work in a very laid-back environment with incredibly nice people.  For now, I am lucky.

But I still totally plan on disappearing into an envious job.  Possibly on another continent.  Eventually.

 Beware, Bourdain.  I am plotting ways to get your job.

Location:  I expected to be living in a city somewhere.  Maybe New York, or Boston, or Washington D.C., or Seattle, or Portland.  Somewhere big and exciting and new with tons of job opportunities.  Instead, I am living in Pullman, WA.  This is a town larger than my hometown of 5,000 only when school is in session.  It is small and peopled with frat children. 

Not pictured: brain function or basic social mores

Don't get me wrong, it is not without its charms.  But if I find myself still living here in five years, I will have to seriously re-examine my life.  However, this is only two years of my life spent in a town that was unexpected to me, but not something I dislike.  And living here is totally worth probably the most unexpected part of my current life...

Relationships:  I am married.  At twenty-two.  Really?  It's still strange even to me and I carefully thought about it for a long time and have been living it for several months.  I never really thought about relationships.  I dated once in high school and, while an enjoyable experience, it led me to the conclusion that I liked dating and being single pretty much equally.  I liked being on my own.  My high school girl friends and I (Taylor, Michelle, and Jessie, I am talking about you) joked about our different dating personalities and tendencies in high school and if I remember correctly, we decided I would probably get married last because I could totally take it or leave it.  Being married would be cool, but so would staying single.  We may have guessed incorrectly.

I dated a couple times in college and then ended up in a long-term marriage-type relationship my junior year.  The lone-wolf mentality did not hold out.  I have never been more pleased to be proven wrong.  Even at the times when I freak out about being married and being young and clueless about most of my life, I have the coolest marriage and the best husband and pretty much the most fun I've ever had.  It is awesome.  Damn, I got lucky.

Life is messy.  And confusing.  And insanely unpredictable.  But thank God my life has not turned out the way I thought it would.  My imagination was a strange combination of presumptuous and boring.

So, conclusion: ditch the road and get lost.  It's great.

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